PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize