I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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