Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
operation have a gay friend backfired
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
