I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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