if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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