Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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