the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
