oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Randomize
