No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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