Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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