who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
