I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
