Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize