All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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