Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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