Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
