I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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