i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
