I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
