I showed him my bush... on skype.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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