Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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