im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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