is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
