i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
