thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
