the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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