so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
