the condom got lost in my hair
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
