SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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