Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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