I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
