Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
