So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
