So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
