So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
