does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize