we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
