some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize