I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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