Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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