There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize