I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
