the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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