# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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