I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
