so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
