So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
