I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
