If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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