Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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