tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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