had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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