I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
