Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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