My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
