shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
