I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize