Your face is a jimmy john
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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