i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
