problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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