i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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