She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
