i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
a search helicopter?!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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