His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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