I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize