I have demons in me.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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