I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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