Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
